by Carole Towriss
In my book, In the Shadow of Sinai, Bezalel has to learn to accept God’s will in his life after several shattering blows.
Submitting to God’s plan for our life can be painful, even agonizing. I know. When we got married, my husband and I both wanted a large family. We started trying to get pregnant after he came home from a six-week trip to Vietnam for CNN. At that point we’d been married almost two years. He traveled quite a bit, so we tried for two years instead of the standard one before we saw a doctor. We spent six more years swallowing pills and getting shots. I prayed and cried, and cried and prayed. I hated Mother’s Day. I was terrified of spending the rest of my life without a child. I’d see pregnant teenagers clearly not ready for motherhood, and abandoned babies, and abused children, and wonder why our prayers remained unanswered.
A few months ago a faithful Haitian man in our church died after a long battle with cancer. He’d dedicated his life to evangelizing the Haitian people in Washington, DC. He pastored the Creole-speaking church his father started, distributed Bibles, even resigned a lucrative job to drive a taxi to more actively share the Gospel. His widow is having a difficult time understanding why God would call home such a hard-working and effective servant. Last month she was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Stories like these don’t seem fair.
Sometimes, in time, we can see a reason for God’s actions.
We eventually had one bio child, and adopted three more babies from Kazakhstan. We have a crazy, wacky set of four kids that share no DNA and very few traits, but make for a chaotic, fun, and love-filled house. Had we not brought them to our home, they most likely would never have heard the Name of Jesus. Perhaps one day one will take it back there, and be able to share it as only native-born people can. Maybe not. Only God knows.
Sometimes we never see His plan.
My mother-in-law died shortly after we were married. I adored her. She was forever buying Bibles and giving them away. A couple weeks after the funeral we received a call from the Christian bookstore saying a special order she had placed had arrived—Bibles. My children will never know her. I can’t see any good in her death. Why would God take her? I still don’t know. Only God knows.
Yes, submitting to the sovereignty of God will can be bitter. Matthew tells us, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father.” I don’t have the desire or the theological training to discuss whether he wills or simply allows the sparrow to fall, or the faithful man or my mother-in-law to die, but I know He is sovereign.
Bezalel’s grandfather told him, “You can trust God, or you can be blown about like a leaf in the wind.” Without faith in our heavenly Father, life will knock you down, take you out, and eventually destroy you. Or you can cling to the Rock. Even when you just can’t understand, when you feel overwhelmed, God will hold you close. Say to Him, “You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.” He will. In the midst of all the uncertainty and anguish, I promise He will.
CAROLE TOWRISS grew up in beautiful San Diego, California. Now she and her husband live just north of Washington, DC. In between making tacos and telling her four children to pick up their shoes for the third time, she reads, watches chick flicks, writes and waits for summertime to return to the beach. Her first novel, In the Shadow of Sinai, released November 1. You can find her at www.CaroleTowriss.com